Once in awhile I get in the mood to listen to some good old country music when I’m thinking about lost loves and what might have been. Here’s a classic from Lorrie Morgan from her Something in Red album. Let your imagination be the canvas where you paint all the feelings of loss and loneliness of your break up.

Lyrics: A Picture Of Me (Without You) by Lorrie Morgan

Imagine a world where no music was playing
And think of a church with nobody praying
Have you ever looked up at a sky with no blue?
Then you’ve seen a picture of me without you

Have you walked in a garden where nothing was growing
Or stood by a river where nothing was flowing
If you’ve seen a red rose unkissed by the dew
Then you’ve seen a picture of me without you

Can you picture heaven with no angels singing
Or a quite Sunday morning with no church bells ringing
If you’ve watched as the heart of a child breaks in two
Then you’ve seen a picture of me without you

Can you picture heaven with no angels singing
Or a quite Sunday morning with no church bells ringing
If you’ve watched as the heart of a child breaks in two
Then you’ve seen no picture of me without you
Then you’ve seen no picture of me without you

*** Are you feeling the pain of a divorce, separation or relationship break up? Wanna get your ex back? Find out how in The Magic of Making Up. Then you won’t have to picture a world without your love. ***

Here is a great new video where T Dub shares one part of this bigger healing method that that he calls the Calm Mind Technique that can  be used to cool down when your mind is in turmoil for any reason, not just missing your ex. You can use it to prepare for a job interview or an exam. The human mind cannot focus on more than three or four feelings at the same time. So if you choose to focus on some physical sensations , such as your breaths, your heart rate, and the movement of air on your skin, you will naturally relax and let the anxious feelings subside. This is a simple little exercise, but deceptively powerful. Like any other healing method, it takes time to learn before you get the full benefit.

The Calm Mind Technique by TW Jackson

See what else T Dub has to say about how to get your ex back, even when it seems hopeless. There is hope for healing your broken heart.

In my college and young adult years I had a number of break-ups that tore my heart out. I pined for one woman for twelve years, and even now thirty years later I sometimes get misty-eyed thinking about her. I didn’t want to face the ugly truth–sometimes getting back together is just out of your control.

Relationships are complex, and there are always a lot of factors at play. You can do everything right and still not get back with your ex. Don’t want to hear that? it’s the truth, and the sooner you face it, the sooner you can do what you need to do.

Sometimes the break-up is what really needs to happen, for both of you. Here’s a great 80s classic rock song that sends this message very clearly.

Sometimes the person who leaves feels a great deal of sorrow and are tempted to get back together even when in their heart they know it is finally time to go. As the song goes, “Breaking up is never easy, I know, but this time I have to go.”

But it’s no fun to be the one who gets left behind. Listen to the song, and allow yourself to feel the pain. And feel the pain of the person who is leaving you. Cause it’s there, I promise.

Video: Knowing Me, Knowing You by Abba

Lyrics: Knowing Me, Knowing You by Abba

No more carefree laughter
Silence ever after
Walking through an empty house, tears in my eyes
Here is where the story ends, this is goodbye

Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
There is nothing we can do
Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
We just have to face it, this time we’re through
(This time we’re through, this time we’re through
This time we’re through, we’re really through)
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go
(I have to go this time
I have to go, this time I know)
Knowing me, knowing you
It’s the best I can do

Mem’ries (mem’ries), good days (good days), bad days (bad days)
They’ll be (they’ll be), with me (with me) always (always)
In these old familiar rooms children would play
Now there’s only emptiness, nothing to say

Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
There is nothing we can do
Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
We just have to face it, this time we’re through
(This time we’re through, this time we’re through
This time we’re through, we’re really through)
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go
(I have to go this time
I have to go, this time I know)
Knowing me, knowing you
It’s the best I can do

[repeat]

Growing up in the sixties, I loved The Association for songs like Windy and Along Comes Mary. But frankly, I didn’t even know they had recorded Cherish until I broke up with my college girlfriend in 1972. I was heart-broken. I missed my girlfriend intensely, and wished fervently that we would make up. It never happened.

That summer I listened to the forty-five vinyl of Cherish on my tiny record player over and over and over. It seemed to perfectly express my feelings of loss. I didn’t know who was singing it and I didn’t care. Even todeay I get a lump in my thoat listening to the song.

Cherish was one of the songs on the group’s first album, And Then… Along Comes the Association, released in 1966. It became their first #1 hit. Although I don’t remember it, Nina Simone also recorded a version of Cherish on her 1967 Silk and Soul album. Listening to it now, I think she did a marvelous job.

EXTRA! You can listen to Nina Simone sing Cherish on YouTube.

The Video: “Cherish” by The Association

No longer available from YouTube.

The Lyrics: “Cherish” by The Association

( Words by Terry Kirkman)

Cherish is a word I use to describe
All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I had told you
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could hold you
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could
Mold you into someone who could
Cherish me as much as I cherish you

Perish is the word that more than applies
To the hope in my heart each time I realize
That I am not gonna be the one to share your dreams
That I am not gonna be the one to share your schemes
That I am not gonna be the one to share what
Seems to be the life that you could
Cherish as much as I do yours

Oh I’m beginning to think that man has never found
The words that could make you want me
That have the right amount of letters, just the right sound
That could make you hear, make you see
That you are drivin’ me out of my mind

Oh I could say I need you but then you’d realize
That I want you just like a thousand other guys
Who’d say they loved you With all the rest of their lies
When all they wanted was to touch your face, your hands
And gaze into your eyes

Cherish is the word I use to describe
All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I had told you
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could hold you
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could
Mold you into someone who could
Cherish me as much as I cherish you

And I do cherish you
And I do cherish you

Cherish is the word

The Video: “The Iceman’s Spear” by Don H. Morris

The Poem: “The Iceman’s Spear” by Don H. Morris

Once I lived in summer’s warmth all year.
The requisite was my loved one near.
Now it’s gray at noon and the whole day is drear.
Even in summer I feel the Iceman’s spear.

Copyright © 2008 by Don H. Morris. Used by permission.

Found a great blog post when Stumbling today (do you know about Stubmeupon?). It is 100 Ways to Say I Love You. Thought it might be helpful for people trying to reconcile with their ex. Remember, though, not to go overboard with this. Ya gotta mean it, and ya gotta use the words sparingly. But it is a good reminder that “actions speak louder than words.”

Here are a few of the creative ways to say “I love you” on Chelle’s list.

#6. On a a T-shirt.

#19. In another language. (See How to Say I Love You in French.)

#33. With a secret phrase.

#77. Draw a picture.

#81. Practice random acts of kindness.

#87. Put their needs ahead of your own.

Read the blog to see the rest. Some are goofy (#89. Be totally goofy), some are sweet (#13. With something sweet). You may not be able to do some of them now, such as #1. With kisses and #2. With hugs, but when you get back together there will be ample opportunities to catch up.

Be creative. Add to this list, and say “I love you” to that special person. It may help you get your ex back.

Take care.

Don H. Moris, Memphis, Tennessee

I saw that someone had asked this question recently, but I had no context for it. I assumed it was a woman, but I didn’t know for sure, and I didn’t know an age or any of the circumstances that would prompt someone to ask a question like this.

But I was intrigued, and kept wondering how I would answer. So here is what I would say.

The Greatest Sacrifice

To give your life for another human being is the greatest sacrifice anyone could ever make. Soldiers, police officers, firefighters and others face the possibility of giving their lives every day. Sometimes ordinary people are faced with the same challenge, for example when they confront a gun-wielding thug about to rob a companion or push a loved one out of the way of speeding car. If you have a loving relationship with someone that you would be willing to take a bullet to protect without a moment’s hesitation, then I say, yes, you have a boyfriend worth dying for. And you are fortunate indeed.

Another Source of Danger

But sometimes the danger is not from an external source, such as a criminal or a car careening out of control coming right at your loved one. Sometimes the boyfriend is the one who could kill you if you stay in that relationship. If you are in a abusive relationship, then I say, no, it’s not worth risking your life to keep that boyfriend.

And the same is true if the abuse is not physical. It’s not worth staying in a relationship where the person who says he loves you is killing your spirit. Get out of abusive relationships, whether physical, verbal, or emotional. It’s not worth it.

Extricating yourself safely from an abusive boyfriend is not easy. You need help from family, friends, and sometimes others. It takes courage and perseverance. Find a therapist with experience in helping abuse survivors, go to a women’s shelter, get a restraining order, or do whatever you need to do to get out.

Not Just for Women

Although the subject gets less attention, it’s not always a man abusing a woman. Some women abuse their boyfriends or husbands, both physically and emotionally. Same-sex couples also have their share of abusers. So whoever you are and whatever kind of relationship you have, if you are experiencing abuse, get help. Now.

Find help in your local area at this Domestic Violence Hotlines and Resources page.

National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TDD)

Just my thoughts. What do you think?

Have you had a relationship break-up recently? Are you hurting so much it feels like the world has ended? The pain of a broken heart and a shattered dream is intense. It can be both physical and emotional. When the person you love says he/she doesn’t want to be with you any more, it feels like your life has ended.

You may be saying to yourself, “I can’t live without him (or her),” and the pain may be so intense that you feel like you are going to die. Or your sorrow may run so deep that you don’t want to keep on going; it may feel like it would be easier just to end it all. Books and movies are filled with star-crossed lovers who committed suicide because of a broken heart.

But before you write your farewell note, just remember the proverb: “This, too, shall pass.” Abraham Lincoln quoted this line during the dark days of the American Civil War to inspire war-weary citizens with hope and endurance. It was true then, and it is true today, too.

It’s a myth that you cannot live without the person you love, whether he/she has died or abandoned you. It’s not pleasant, it’s not fun, but it’s also not fatal. The pain will never go away completely, but with time it will subside.

It’s a myth that you cannot find someone else to love and care for or that you cannot find meaning and purpose in a life on your own. Sunny skies always return after dreary dark days of rain and storm.

Here’s another thing to remember, too: Many people have gotten back together with a person who broke up with them, even when it seemed impossible. There is hope for your dream being reborn after it died.

But all that is hope you can hold on to for the future. You may be saying,”I’m in the middle of this break-up and I don’t feel like I can carry on without the one I love.” What can you do here-and-now to get through these dark days? Here are some concrete suggestions. These are all things that I did after relationship break-ups (including the last one on the list).

• Talk to someone you trust to respect your feelings. It’s amazing how much  it can help just to confide in someone else and get their support and encouragement. The right person will just listen without offering advice or trying to fix your problems. Be firm and tel them what you need if they start problem-solving instead of listening.
• Keep a journal or diary. Just put your emotions into words any way you can. You need not share these writings with anyone if you don’t want to.
• Listen to sad songs or watch tear-jerker movies about people who have lost a love. They don’t have to have a happy ending–often the best songs or movies help you feel the pain that words alone cannot express. I have placed videos and lyrics of classic heartbreak songs by Elvis Presley, B.J. Thomas, Neil Sedaka and others here on this blog. If your taste is more contemporary, check out YouTube, where you can find modern sad songs songs by Britney Spears, Pink, and others.
• Express your feelings creatively. Write songs, poems, or short stories about how it feels to lose a love. Make a collage or video with images and songs or music that help you express your feelings about your relationship breakup.
• Spend time with family and friends doing something you enjoy. Avoid the temptation to pull away from your friends and meaningful activities. Go to parties, volunteer for a cause you believe in, or take walks in the park. Your life can still have joy and purpose even without the one you love.
• Seek professional help if the you have thoughts of suicide or warning signs of clinical depression. Psychotherapy may help get you through a tough time. Find a therapist you can trust and get help if you need it. Don’t know how to find the right person? Read Choosing theRight Mental Health Therapist to get started.

Here’s to you learning that you can live without the one you love, no matter how much you love him/her or how much you are hurting now. Don’t succumb to the myth that you can’t.

With love,

Feel free to share your favorite relationship quotes or provers in the comments.

Enjoy!

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle

Where does the family start? It starts with a young man falling in love with a girl – no superior alternative has yet been found. — Winston Churchill

Our greatest joy-and our greatest pain comes in our relationships with others.  — Stephen R. Covey

To love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person.  — Eric Fromm

It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.  — Kahlin Gibran

Let there be spaces in your togetherness. — Khalil Gibran

The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart. – Helen Keller — Helen Keller

Love doesn’t just sit there like a stone; it has to be made – like bread, remade all the time, made new. — Ursula K. LeGuin

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say?  And why are you waiting?  — Stephen Levine

Having someone wonder where you are when you don’t come home at night is a very old human need.  — Margaret Mead

The act of forgiveness is the act of returning to present time. And that’s why when one has become a forgiving person, and has managed to let go of the past, what they’ve really done is they’ve shifted their relationship with time.  — Caroline Myss

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. — Anthony Robbins

Man is a knot into which relationships are tied. — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.  — Swedish Proverb

You can’t stop loving or wanting to love because when its right, it’s the best thing in the world. When you’re in a relationship and it’s good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete.  — Keith Sweet

Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. — Mark Twain

Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never ever the same. — Flavia Weedn

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. — Oprah Winfrey

This is the saddest Christmas song for someone who has broken up with a girlfriend or boyfriend. Elvis captures the pain of a relationship breakup in his inimitable way. Remember as you listen that no matter how much your heart is hurting now, there is hope that you can reconcile with your ex or find a new love. Broken dreams can be reborn.

The Video: “Blue Christmas” by Elvis Presley

The Lyrics: “Blue Christmas” by Elvis Presley

(Words & music by Billy Hayes – Jay Johnson)

I’ll have a blue Christmas without you.
I’ll be so blue just thinking about you.
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree
Won’t be the same, dear, if you’re not here with me

And when those blue snowflakes start falling,
That’s when those blue memories start calling.
You’ll be doin’ all right, with your Christmas of white,
But I’ll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas.

(instrumental break)

You’ll be doin’ all right, with your Christmas of white,
But I’ll have a blue, blue Christmas.