In my college and young adult years I had a number of break-ups that tore my heart out. I pined for one woman for twelve years, and even now thirty years later I sometimes get misty-eyed thinking about her. I didn’t want to face the ugly truth–sometimes getting back together is just out of your control.

Relationships are complex, and there are always a lot of factors at play. You can do everything right and still not get back with your ex. Don’t want to hear that? it’s the truth, and the sooner you face it, the sooner you can do what you need to do.

Sometimes the break-up is what really needs to happen, for both of you. Here’s a great 80s classic rock song that sends this message very clearly.

Sometimes the person who leaves feels a great deal of sorrow and are tempted to get back together even when in their heart they know it is finally time to go. As the song goes, “Breaking up is never easy, I know, but this time I have to go.”

But it’s no fun to be the one who gets left behind. Listen to the song, and allow yourself to feel the pain. And feel the pain of the person who is leaving you. Cause it’s there, I promise.

Video: Knowing Me, Knowing You by Abba

Lyrics: Knowing Me, Knowing You by Abba

No more carefree laughter
Silence ever after
Walking through an empty house, tears in my eyes
Here is where the story ends, this is goodbye

Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
There is nothing we can do
Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
We just have to face it, this time we’re through
(This time we’re through, this time we’re through
This time we’re through, we’re really through)
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go
(I have to go this time
I have to go, this time I know)
Knowing me, knowing you
It’s the best I can do

Mem’ries (mem’ries), good days (good days), bad days (bad days)
They’ll be (they’ll be), with me (with me) always (always)
In these old familiar rooms children would play
Now there’s only emptiness, nothing to say

Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
There is nothing we can do
Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
We just have to face it, this time we’re through
(This time we’re through, this time we’re through
This time we’re through, we’re really through)
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go
(I have to go this time
I have to go, this time I know)
Knowing me, knowing you
It’s the best I can do

[repeat]