If you cared deeply about your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, it may seem that the world came to an end when they broke up with you. Your ex seemed like the most wonderful person in the world. You may be thinking, “I’ll never find someone like that again in a million years.”Or you may even be thinking, “I’ll never find anyone again! I’m going to die an old maid (or grumpy old bachelor).” This thought makes the break-up ten times more painful.

And you’re right, too. Your ex is unique–no one elsein all the world is exactly like him or her. Every human being is unique and special,and cannot be replaced.

But you’re wrong if you tack on an extremely common follow-up thought, “I can never be happy without _______.” Stop and think about it. Many, many people have lost a special life partner but found a new love later. Not that the new lover could replace the first one–no, he or she is also unique and special in their own way. But the relationship can be replaced.

Dwelling on the thought that you absolutely must have that one certain person in your life in order to be happy can lead you to taking desperate steps to get him/her back. You may do things that are actually counter-productive in reconciling with your ex, such as apologizing profusely or constantly calling and texting them until they’re sick to death of hearing from you.

It’s a myth that you cannot be hapy unless you get back with your ex. If you don’t, you’ll grieve the loss,and it may take a long, long time. While you’re going through it, it may seem endless. But if you’re like most people, you will eventually get over it and get on with your life. You may even meet someone so special that it’ll make you wonder why you ever thought you had to have someone else (even the person you are obsessing over now).

Paradoxically, accepting this truth could be the very thing that enables you to relax enough to re-examine your relationship with your ex-lover and see it’s real value. You may choose to re-kindle the flame with your ex. Lots of people do.

Here’s the key: You have to be okay with whatever comes. Getting your ex back or moving on with your life. You’re not doomed to loneliness if you don’t get back with your ex.