Dreams Reborn » getting back with your ex http://dreamsreborn.com Hope for Healing Broken Hearts Mon, 28 Jun 2010 12:00:23 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 I’ll Never Find Anybody As Good Again http://dreamsreborn.com/ill-never-find-anybody-as-good-again/ http://dreamsreborn.com/ill-never-find-anybody-as-good-again/#comments Tue, 19 Aug 2008 18:44:30 +0000 Don H. Morris http://dreamsreborn.com/?p=38 Break-up Myth #2: I’ll never find anybody as good again.

If you cared deeply about your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, it may seem that the world came to an end when they broke up with you. Your ex seemed like the most wonderful person in the world. You may be thinking, “I’ll never find someone like that again in a million years.”Or you may even be thinking, “I’ll never find anyone again! I’m going to die an old maid (or grumpy old bachelor).” This thought makes the break-up ten times more painful.

And you’re right, too. Your ex is unique–no one elsein all the world is exactly like him or her. Every human being is unique and special,and cannot be replaced.

But you’re wrong if you tack on an extremely common follow-up thought, “I can never be happy without _______.” Stop and think about it. Many, many people have lost a special life partner but found a new love later. Not that the new lover could replace the first one–no, he or she is also unique and special in their own way. But the relationship can be replaced.

Dwelling on the thought that you absolutely must have that one certain person in your life in order to be happy can lead you to taking desperate steps to get him/her back. You may do things that are actually counter-productive in reconciling with your ex, such as apologizing profusely or constantly calling and texting them until they’re sick to death of hearing from you.

It’s a myth that you cannot be hapy unless you get back with your ex. If you don’t, you’ll grieve the loss,and it may take a long, long time. While you’re going through it, it may seem endless. But if you’re like most people, you will eventually get over it and get on with your life. You may even meet someone so special that it’ll make you wonder why you ever thought you had to have someone else (even the person you are obsessing over now).

Paradoxically, accepting this truth could be the very thing that enables you to relax enough to re-examine your relationship with your ex-lover and see it’s real value. You may choose to re-kindle the flame with your ex. Lots of people do.

Here’s the key: You have to be okay with whatever comes. Getting your ex back or moving on with your life. You’re not doomed to loneliness if you don’t get back with your ex.

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]]>http://dreamsreborn.com/ill-never-find-anybody-as-good-again/feed/0 I’m Not Going to Think about Her http://dreamsreborn.com/im-not-going-to-think-about-her/ http://dreamsreborn.com/im-not-going-to-think-about-her/#comments Thu, 07 Aug 2008 08:37:33 +0000 Don H. Morris http://dreamsreborn.com/?p=29 Break-up Myth #1: If I can’t stop thinking about someone, this proves I love that person.

It’s terrible. You’ve had a relationship break-up, and you just can’t get your ex out of your mind. Everything you see or hear reminds you of your lost love. You’re not alone. This is a very common reaction when you’ve been dumped.

You may think you can just quit thinking about your ex, that if you only had enough willpower you’d be able to stop obsessing. Lev Ylimaz captures this myth in one of his Tales of Mere Existence (click on play button to see video).

Video: “I’m Not Going to Think about Her” by Lev Yilmaz

Pure and simple, telling yourself you’re not going to think about your ex won’t keep you from thinking about yur ex.

Infatuation vs. Healthy Love

And it doesn’t prove you love the other person, either. Don’t get me wrong–if you think about someone constantly, you may love them. Or you may just be infatuated, and the feeling won’t last. What I’m saying is that this is not how you tell if you are in love. If your obsession with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend leads you to spy on them, stalk them, or harass them, these are not signs of a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships are marked by trust, respect, and a desire for the best for the other person. Thinking about your ex all the time doesn’t demonstrate these healthy qualities, in itself.

After your relationship break-up I bet your friends and family told you to “forget her and move on with your life.” Easier said than done! Maybe the break-up was a good thing, and you should learn from the experience and be better able to create a new, healthy relationship with someone else. But maybe there was some real caring between the two of you, and the relationship is worth saving. Many, many strong, healthy relationships have had rocky places, yet the couple made it through them. Just don’t be fooled into thinking that your strong feelings prove anything, in and of themselves. Dig deeper, and examine what attracted you to the other in the first place. The attraction that brought you together can bring you back together.

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