Once in awhile I get in the mood to listen to some good old country music when I’m thinking about lost loves and what might have been. Here’s a classic from Lorrie Morgan from her Something in Red album. Let your imagination be the canvas where you paint all the feelings of loss and loneliness of your break up.

Lyrics: A Picture Of Me (Without You) by Lorrie Morgan

Imagine a world where no music was playing
And think of a church with nobody praying
Have you ever looked up at a sky with no blue?
Then you’ve seen a picture of me without you

Have you walked in a garden where nothing was growing
Or stood by a river where nothing was flowing
If you’ve seen a red rose unkissed by the dew
Then you’ve seen a picture of me without you

Can you picture heaven with no angels singing
Or a quite Sunday morning with no church bells ringing
If you’ve watched as the heart of a child breaks in two
Then you’ve seen a picture of me without you

Can you picture heaven with no angels singing
Or a quite Sunday morning with no church bells ringing
If you’ve watched as the heart of a child breaks in two
Then you’ve seen no picture of me without you
Then you’ve seen no picture of me without you

*** Are you feeling the pain of a divorce, separation or relationship break up? Wanna get your ex back? Find out how in The Magic of Making Up. Then you won’t have to picture a world without your love. ***

In my college and young adult years I had a number of break-ups that tore my heart out. I pined for one woman for twelve years, and even now thirty years later I sometimes get misty-eyed thinking about her. I didn’t want to face the ugly truth–sometimes getting back together is just out of your control.

Relationships are complex, and there are always a lot of factors at play. You can do everything right and still not get back with your ex. Don’t want to hear that? it’s the truth, and the sooner you face it, the sooner you can do what you need to do.

Sometimes the break-up is what really needs to happen, for both of you. Here’s a great 80s classic rock song that sends this message very clearly.

Sometimes the person who leaves feels a great deal of sorrow and are tempted to get back together even when in their heart they know it is finally time to go. As the song goes, “Breaking up is never easy, I know, but this time I have to go.”

But it’s no fun to be the one who gets left behind. Listen to the song, and allow yourself to feel the pain. And feel the pain of the person who is leaving you. Cause it’s there, I promise.

Video: Knowing Me, Knowing You by Abba

Lyrics: Knowing Me, Knowing You by Abba

No more carefree laughter
Silence ever after
Walking through an empty house, tears in my eyes
Here is where the story ends, this is goodbye

Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
There is nothing we can do
Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
We just have to face it, this time we’re through
(This time we’re through, this time we’re through
This time we’re through, we’re really through)
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go
(I have to go this time
I have to go, this time I know)
Knowing me, knowing you
It’s the best I can do

Mem’ries (mem’ries), good days (good days), bad days (bad days)
They’ll be (they’ll be), with me (with me) always (always)
In these old familiar rooms children would play
Now there’s only emptiness, nothing to say

Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
There is nothing we can do
Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
We just have to face it, this time we’re through
(This time we’re through, this time we’re through
This time we’re through, we’re really through)
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go
(I have to go this time
I have to go, this time I know)
Knowing me, knowing you
It’s the best I can do

[repeat]

Growing up in the sixties, I loved The Association for songs like Windy and Along Comes Mary. But frankly, I didn’t even know they had recorded Cherish until I broke up with my college girlfriend in 1972. I was heart-broken. I missed my girlfriend intensely, and wished fervently that we would make up. It never happened.

That summer I listened to the forty-five vinyl of Cherish on my tiny record player over and over and over. It seemed to perfectly express my feelings of loss. I didn’t know who was singing it and I didn’t care. Even todeay I get a lump in my thoat listening to the song.

Cherish was one of the songs on the group’s first album, And Then… Along Comes the Association, released in 1966. It became their first #1 hit. Although I don’t remember it, Nina Simone also recorded a version of Cherish on her 1967 Silk and Soul album. Listening to it now, I think she did a marvelous job.

EXTRA! You can listen to Nina Simone sing Cherish on YouTube.

The Video: “Cherish” by The Association

No longer available from YouTube.

The Lyrics: “Cherish” by The Association

( Words by Terry Kirkman)

Cherish is a word I use to describe
All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I had told you
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could hold you
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could
Mold you into someone who could
Cherish me as much as I cherish you

Perish is the word that more than applies
To the hope in my heart each time I realize
That I am not gonna be the one to share your dreams
That I am not gonna be the one to share your schemes
That I am not gonna be the one to share what
Seems to be the life that you could
Cherish as much as I do yours

Oh I’m beginning to think that man has never found
The words that could make you want me
That have the right amount of letters, just the right sound
That could make you hear, make you see
That you are drivin’ me out of my mind

Oh I could say I need you but then you’d realize
That I want you just like a thousand other guys
Who’d say they loved you With all the rest of their lies
When all they wanted was to touch your face, your hands
And gaze into your eyes

Cherish is the word I use to describe
All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I had told you
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could hold you
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could
Mold you into someone who could
Cherish me as much as I cherish you

And I do cherish you
And I do cherish you

Cherish is the word

The Video: “The Iceman’s Spear” by Don H. Morris

The Poem: “The Iceman’s Spear” by Don H. Morris

Once I lived in summer’s warmth all year.
The requisite was my loved one near.
Now it’s gray at noon and the whole day is drear.
Even in summer I feel the Iceman’s spear.

Copyright © 2008 by Don H. Morris. Used by permission.

Have you had a relationship break-up recently? Are you hurting so much it feels like the world has ended? The pain of a broken heart and a shattered dream is intense. It can be both physical and emotional. When the person you love says he/she doesn’t want to be with you any more, it feels like your life has ended.

You may be saying to yourself, “I can’t live without him (or her),” and the pain may be so intense that you feel like you are going to die. Or your sorrow may run so deep that you don’t want to keep on going; it may feel like it would be easier just to end it all. Books and movies are filled with star-crossed lovers who committed suicide because of a broken heart.

But before you write your farewell note, just remember the proverb: “This, too, shall pass.” Abraham Lincoln quoted this line during the dark days of the American Civil War to inspire war-weary citizens with hope and endurance. It was true then, and it is true today, too.

It’s a myth that you cannot live without the person you love, whether he/she has died or abandoned you. It’s not pleasant, it’s not fun, but it’s also not fatal. The pain will never go away completely, but with time it will subside.

It’s a myth that you cannot find someone else to love and care for or that you cannot find meaning and purpose in a life on your own. Sunny skies always return after dreary dark days of rain and storm.

Here’s another thing to remember, too: Many people have gotten back together with a person who broke up with them, even when it seemed impossible. There is hope for your dream being reborn after it died.

But all that is hope you can hold on to for the future. You may be saying,”I’m in the middle of this break-up and I don’t feel like I can carry on without the one I love.” What can you do here-and-now to get through these dark days? Here are some concrete suggestions. These are all things that I did after relationship break-ups (including the last one on the list).

• Talk to someone you trust to respect your feelings. It’s amazing how much  it can help just to confide in someone else and get their support and encouragement. The right person will just listen without offering advice or trying to fix your problems. Be firm and tel them what you need if they start problem-solving instead of listening.
• Keep a journal or diary. Just put your emotions into words any way you can. You need not share these writings with anyone if you don’t want to.
• Listen to sad songs or watch tear-jerker movies about people who have lost a love. They don’t have to have a happy ending–often the best songs or movies help you feel the pain that words alone cannot express. I have placed videos and lyrics of classic heartbreak songs by Elvis Presley, B.J. Thomas, Neil Sedaka and others here on this blog. If your taste is more contemporary, check out YouTube, where you can find modern sad songs songs by Britney Spears, Pink, and others.
• Express your feelings creatively. Write songs, poems, or short stories about how it feels to lose a love. Make a collage or video with images and songs or music that help you express your feelings about your relationship breakup.
• Spend time with family and friends doing something you enjoy. Avoid the temptation to pull away from your friends and meaningful activities. Go to parties, volunteer for a cause you believe in, or take walks in the park. Your life can still have joy and purpose even without the one you love.
• Seek professional help if the you have thoughts of suicide or warning signs of clinical depression. Psychotherapy may help get you through a tough time. Find a therapist you can trust and get help if you need it. Don’t know how to find the right person? Read Choosing theRight Mental Health Therapist to get started.

Here’s to you learning that you can live without the one you love, no matter how much you love him/her or how much you are hurting now. Don’t succumb to the myth that you can’t.

With love,

This is the saddest Christmas song for someone who has broken up with a girlfriend or boyfriend. Elvis captures the pain of a relationship breakup in his inimitable way. Remember as you listen that no matter how much your heart is hurting now, there is hope that you can reconcile with your ex or find a new love. Broken dreams can be reborn.

The Video: “Blue Christmas” by Elvis Presley

The Lyrics: “Blue Christmas” by Elvis Presley

(Words & music by Billy Hayes – Jay Johnson)

I’ll have a blue Christmas without you.
I’ll be so blue just thinking about you.
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree
Won’t be the same, dear, if you’re not here with me

And when those blue snowflakes start falling,
That’s when those blue memories start calling.
You’ll be doin’ all right, with your Christmas of white,
But I’ll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas.

(instrumental break)

You’ll be doin’ all right, with your Christmas of white,
But I’ll have a blue, blue Christmas.

Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song by B.J. Thomas, released in 1975, was one of six Rock/Country crossover songs of that year. I heard it at least once an hour on both the Top 40 stations from Little Rock and Memphis I usually listened to and on the local country station in Searcy, Arkansas, my dad always had the radio tuned to when he was home. It was later covered by  Charlie Rich, among others, and played mostly on country music radio stations.

They were still playing it when my fiancée broke our engagement in January 1976 (my second broken heart). The song took on a new meaning for me then. I kept hearing it on the oldies stations for years after that, and my longing for her was just as intense ten years later.

If you’ve had a recent, or even not-so-recent, relationship break-up, then you may ask, “Hey, won’t you play another somebody done somebody wrong song, and make me feel at home while I miss my baby.” No one likes to cry alone.

(You may want to turn up the volume on your speakers; this video seems to be set pretty low.)

The Video: “Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song” by B.J. Thomas

The Lyrics: “Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song” by B.J. Thomas

It’s lonely out tonight
And the feelin’ just got right for a brand new love song
Somebody done somebody wrong song

Hey, wontcha play another somebody done somebody wrong song
And make me feel at home while I miss my baby, while I miss my baby

So please play for me a sad melody
So sad that it makes everybody cry-y-y-y
A real hurtin’ song about a love that’s gone wrong
’cause I don’t want to cry all alone

Hey, wontcha play another somebody done somebody wrong song
And make me feel at home while I miss my baby, while I miss my baby

So please play for me a sad melody
So sad that it makes everybody cry-y-y-y
A real hurtin’ song about a love that’s gone wrong
’cause I don’t want to cry all alone

Hey, wontcha play another somebody done somebody wrong song
And make me feel at home while I miss my baby, while I miss my baby

(Hey) wontcha play (wontcha play) another somebody done somebody wrong song
And make me feel at home while I miss my baby, while I miss my baby

(Hey) wontcha play (wontcha play) another somebody done

FADE

somebody wrong song
And make me feel at home while I miss my baby, while I miss my baby

It really does seem that you can’t live without the one you love (or think you love–I had to stop to think a couple of minutes before i could remember the girl’s name,but I remember the pain clearly ). It felt like I was going to die, but I didn’t.

The Video: “I Can’t Live If Living Is Without You” Sung by Harry Nillson

The Lyrics “I Can’t Live If Living Is Without You” (Recorded First by Badfinger and Covered by Harry Nillson)

No, I can’t forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that’s just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows

No, I can’t forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now it’s only fair that I should let you know
What you should know

I can’t live if living is without you
I can’t live, I can’t give any more
I can’t live if living is without you
I can’t give, I can’t give any more

No, I can’t forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that’s just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows

I can’t live if living is without you
I can’t live, I can’t give anymore
I can’t live if living is without you
I can’t live, I can’t give anymore

The line ” You always smile, but in your eyes your sorrow shows, yes, it shows” captures how futile it is sometimes to hide your heartache, even though you valiantly attempt to cover it up around others. It helps to find a person who will listen, or just be with you in silence, and feel your pain with you. I also wrote very bad) poetry about y heartbreak, and that helped me a lot to get to the other side of the pain. Maybe I’ll share some of them in a later post.

*** Get The Magic of Making Up System, and discover specific, concrete steps to get back together with your ex after a relationship break-up. ***

Baby come Back by Player from 1977 expresses the pain and loneliness of a broken heart perfectly. The obsessive thoughts of being with the one who broke up with you, doing everything you can do forget and not succeeding, and pleading with your ex to come back, again unsuccessfully.

The line Baby come back, you can blame it all on meis especially poignant. It illustrates the mistake many people who long to reconcile with their ex make–apologizing profusely and taking all the blame. Resist the urge to do this if you want to get back with your ex; it may seem like a good idea at the time, but it’s a huge mistake, according to T. W. Jackson, author of The Magic of Making up..

The line Any fool could see that there was something in everything about you suggests that the person begging their ex to come back may have been the one to break off the relationship. It’s not always the person who was dumped who wants to get back with their ex.

This song may make it sound like trying to reconcile with your ex is hopeless. I liked to listen to it when I felt like I could never get back with my ex-girlfriend. It’s okay to feel this feeling, even embrace it and own it, but don’t believe it. Just remember, hope lives!

The Video: “Baby Come Back” by Player

The Lyrics: “Baby Come Back” by Player

Spending all my nights,
All my money going out on the town
Doing anything just to get you off of my mind
But when the morning comes,
I’m right back where I started again
Trying to forget you is just a waste of time

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can’t live without you

All day long, wearing a mask of false bravado
Trying to keep up the smile that hides a tear
But as the sun goes down, I get that empty feeling again
How I wish to God that you were here

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can’t live without you

Now that I put it all together
Give me the chance to make you see
Have you used up all the love in your heart
Nothing left for me, ain’t there nothing left for me

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can’t live without you

If you go to Memphis, Tennessee, there really is a Heartbreak hotel at the end of Lonely Street, not far from Graceland. But everybody’s been there in their heart, no mater where they live. This classic evokes all the feelings of someone who has broken up with a girlfriend or boyfriend.

Video: “Heartbreak Hotel” by Elvis Presley

The Lyrics: “Heartbreak Hotel” by Elvis Presley

Well, since my baby left me
Well, I found a new place to dwell
Well, it’s down at the end of Lonely Street
At Heartbreak Hotel

Well, I’ll be
I’ll be so lonely baby
Well, I’m so lonely
I’ll be so lonely, I could die

Oh, although it’s always crowded
You still can find some room
For broken hearted lovers
To cry there in their gloom

They’ll be so
They’ll be so lonely, baby
Well, they’re so lonely
They’re so lonely, they could die

Now, the bell hop’s tears keep flowin’
And the desk clerk’s dressed in black
Well, they been so long on Lonely Street
They’ll never ever look back

And it’s so
Well, it’s so lonely baby
Well, they’re so lonely
Well, they’re so lonely, they could’ve die

Well, if your baby leaves you
You got a tale to tell
Well, just take a walk down Lonely Street
To Heartbreak Hotel

Where you will be
You’ll be so lonely, baby
Well you’ll be lonely
You’ll be so lonely you could die

Oh, although it’s always crowded
You still can find some room
For broken hearted lovers
To cry there in their gloom

They’ve been so
They’re be so lonely, baby
Well, they’re so lonely
They’ll be so lonely, they could die